you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
BRING THE BAGELS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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