He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
