Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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