Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
