Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
