Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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