i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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