The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
