i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
