The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
