SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
