some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize