Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
