I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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