Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
