Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize