I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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