She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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