yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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