everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
