Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
