from now on my penis is your penis
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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