is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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