I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
