the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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