I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
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Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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