we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
