Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
