Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
