Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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