We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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