that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
