U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
