$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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