I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
