I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
