I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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