im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
