I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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