Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
