Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
