It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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