he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
