I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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