i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
