remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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