See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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