Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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