chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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