so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
