Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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