i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
