i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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