I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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