we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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