we're blogging at a bar
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
