i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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