idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
