so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
